Experts suggest the outbreak of World War 3 could be delayed long enough to get Brexit done if Donald Trump can be kept away from the big red button until after Quitters’ Day.
Hopes were raised for a peaceful resolution to the Iran crisis yesterday after President Trump spent over an hour on the phone attempting to cancel a gym membership he signed up for only last week.
Despite a 14 day cooling off period, White House phone logs show that even the most powerful man in the world will be paying $59.99 a month to David Lloyd for the foreseeable future.
Noting that Mr Trump has also stopped using the Nutribullet that his daughter Ivanka gave him for Christmas, a leading military think tank claims there is renewed hope for a de-escalation of tensions between America and Iran.
“January the 13th has long been recognised as Quitters’ Day, the day when everyone gives up on their New Year’s resolutions,” explained Retired Colonel George Fishlove-Smyth.
“For the man on the street, Quitters’ Day is that first day of the year where you say to yourself ‘maybe I’ll just skip the gym tonight’ or ‘well I didn’t drink last week, so I deserve a beer to celebrate my achievement ’.
“The President has clearly resolved to start World War 3 in 2020, so we just need to distract him until after Quitters’ Day when I predict he’ll abandon his New Year’s resolutions just like everybody else.”