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Dry January must start on a Monday, say experts

Dry January starts on Monday

Experts have confirmed that the nation’s annual attempt to stay off the booze for a whole month must start on a Monday.

The start of dry January has been the subject of fierce scientific debate with some mavericks and fools arguing that the month of abstinence starts on the 1st and proceeds, uninterrupted, until the 31st of the month.

But a new study reveals that humans have evolved to start things on a Monday and that, from your liver’s perspective, kicking off midweek will provide very little benefit.

“It’s like when you go back to work on a Wednesday or Thursday after New Year,” explained drinking expert George ‘The Professor’ Southfield from a Wetherspoons near Cambridge University.

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“Sure you turned up, but is your presence really benefiting your employer or did you just spaff all your annual leave on Dave’s stag do last February, meaning you had to come in for two pointless days?

“No, it’s your first Monday back when you start doing some work rather than just deleting emails and polishing off that big tub of Celebrations the boss left in the kitchen before Christmas.

“The human body is exactly the same; there are no health benefits to be gained from cutting out the booze, joining a gym or digging the Nutribullet out of the back of the kitchen cupboard until the first Monday in January.”

Health campaigners have criticised the findings saying that with Quitters Day falling on the 9th this year many people may now choose to skip dry January altogether.

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