Boris Johnson was in the Downing Street doghouse this morning after announcing he would be celebrating his historic general election victory with a new dawn.
Sources say the atmosphere over the breakfast table at Number 10 was tense as Johnson’s partner Carrie Symonds demanded to know “who the f**k is this Dawn” and where Boris had been all night.
Johnson tried to duck the question by repeating “let’s get Brexit done” and briefly attempted to hide in the fridge, but Ms Symonds persisted with her line of questioning.
Crumbling, as many predicted he would have done if he had shown up for an interview with Andrew Neil, the PM admitted he had been up all night planning the sale of the NHS to Donald Trump.
However, insiders say that Symonds was having none of it, telling Johnson, “you may have just got away with lying to 46 million voters, but it won’t work with me sonny Jim.
“I’ve just watched you on Sky news blathering on about your mandate and telling the world how excited you are about this new Dawn. Now, who is she?”
Displaying the strength of character that will see KFC serving a Chlorinated Family Feast by Boxing Day, the prime minister is said to have suddenly remembered an urgent meeting with Michael Gove, leaving Symonds’ question unanswered.
In other news, the Telegraph Media Group have announced the appointment of their youngest ever political editor. Dawn Towpath, 22, joins the Daily Telegraph as their senior political editor on Monday.
Ms Towpath previously worked as a model and part-time barmaid and has interned at the Conservative central office for producing Marxist Corbyn memes since September.