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Corbyn to stay neutral in Labour leadership election

Jeremy Corbyn
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After losing more seats than the deckchair attendant on the Titanic, the soon to be ex-Labour leader says his last act will be to stay neutral in the contest to replace him.

Citing his success with the tactic in securing a landslide victory for Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn said his neutrality would give Labour party members the freedom to pick the right two women for the job.

“My promised neutrality over Brexit has allowed voters across the country to decisively choose who they want to lead them,” explained Mr Corbyn.

“Although I fear many of them will now not live long enough to regret it, once the NHS has been sold, the food banks moved offshore with the real banks, and Priti Patel gets into her stride. 

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“But by staying neutral in the Labour leadership race, I hope to afford the party the same freedom to choose new leadership unencumbered by my thoughts on the matter.

“Although I hope the outcome will be somewhat less terrifying.”

A spokesman for Labour said that he, like the majority of the country, welcomed not hearing any more of Mr Corbyn’s thoughts on a whole range of matters but wished him good luck in the Islington Allotment Association’s winter veg contest. 

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