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Tories promise tax cuts, unicorns, and a clone army of nurses in first 100 days

Boris Johnson Unicorn Folder

Outlining plans for the first 100 days of his new administration, Boris Johnson has promised to get Brexit done, cut taxes for hard-working families, and open a new school every day until Easter. 

Mr Johnson says two new hospitals will be built on every street corner and will be paid for using money the Treasury received from successful PPI claims the Chancellor made earlier this year. 

Nursing numbers are set to double under a bold initiative to clone existing NHS nurses while rising gang crime will be tackled as, former Minister for Transport, Chris Grayling heads up what the Tory inner circle are calling the RoboChris programme.

Middle-class families will receive a windfall as the PM promises to revive a pledge, made during his campaign for leadership of the Conservative party, to provide free buses to all higher rate taxpayers.

HS2 will be extended to run along the length of the Irish border and HS3, linking Walford and Weatherfield, will also get the green light. 

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A scheme to pave the streets with gold will see potholes across the country become a thing of the past and carbon emissions will be halved as chariots pulled by unicorns replace cars. 

Opposition parties have been quick to condemn the Conservative’s plans as pure fantasy.

Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson claimed it was more likely that she’d be picking out new curtains in Number 10 next week than a single new nurse would be successfully cloned before March 2020.

Jeremy Corbyn said that replacing cars with unicorns was “utter nonsense” and suggested that Labour’s plan to put a teleporter in every home was the only way to fight climate change and reduce carbon emissions.

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