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Mr Liarliarpantsonfire concerned over erosion of trust within UK public life

Mr Liarliarpantsonfire

Legendary self-confessed ‘all-out lying bastard’ states even he has reservations about the direction of travel for the UK political scene due to the behaviour of PM Johnson and the Conservative election campaign.

Speaking from one of the many luxurious yachts he claimed to have won in a high-stakes game of contract bridge with the shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis in 1977 – a game Mr Liarliarpantsonfire says nearly saw blows exchanged between himself and the actor Omar Sharif, before fellow Dr Zhivago co-star Julie Christie stepped in to the fray to calm matters down – the long-time admirer of political skulduggery suggested “things have gone too far”.

Despite claiming to have been on friendly terms with Michael Gove in the past, and also claiming to have once lent Dominic Raab a hovercraft that ran on home-brewed wheat beer, Mr Liarliarpantsonfire described the current Conservative election campaign as “f**king deadly nightshade. The shadiest. I mean, I’m talking Mr Shady McShadeface here, in terms of lying”.

Mr Liarliarpantsonfire noted that prime minister Johnson was, “good for shits and giggles on panel shows and eyeing up the skirt, but not much else, apart from maybe flagging-up his interest in the classical scholarly tradition. 

“He’s reduced UK political life to a series of fabrications and distortions, to the extent where even I’ve had to pause and reflect, despite my long-held status as the commander-in-cheeky-bastard-lying.

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“I mean, who lies to the Queen, who I should have usurped as rightful heir, by the way. And the whole CCHQ ‘FactCheck’ controversy, even this cynical spinner of a yarn knows his limits”.

However, Mr Liarliarpantsonfire was keen to stress the importance of the venerable UK’ fourth estate’ in providing both balance and scrutiny on election proceedings and he still believes that some measure of decorum is being retained in public life by the media’s ability to act as a check on power. 

He went on to say: “Thank heavens the good old BBC is doing its job and not in any way making a series of costly blunders and leaving its reputation for impartiality in tatters. Although that last statement might be construed as one of the biggest whoppers I’ve ever uttered”.

Season three of a Series of Costly Blunders starts on BBC2 in January 2020.

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