Boris Johnson’s absence from the Channel 4 leaders’ debate on climate change has massively reduced the volume of harmful emissions he would have pumped into the atmosphere, say scientists.
A block of ice stood in for the prime minister as opposition leaders faced off over pressing topics like who had been using a Waitrose bag for life the longest and whether they would allow the heating in 10 Downing Street to be turned on before the Christmas tree was up.
The prime minister initially faced criticism for failing to give a shit about the impending death of planet earth, but leading climate scientists now say that keeping his mouth shut could be the best thing he can do for humanity.
“Mr Johnson pumps more hot air and toxic political rhetoric into the atmosphere during one hour of testiculating about getting Brexit done than most MPs do in a year,” says Professor George Fishlove.
“Our calculations show that by refusing to try and convince the public that he will show any kind of leadership over climate change, the prime minister may have drastically reduced the toxic atmosphere voters will have to endure between now and the general election.”
Following the broadcast, the Conservative Party accused Channel 4 of bias for not allowing Michael Gove to take the place of the ice sculpture.
In a statement, the broadcaster said: “We appreciate Mr Gove’s offer to stand in for the slowly melting inanimate object to Jeremy Corbyn’s right, but the programme went out before the watershed and Mr Gove is not suitable for younger viewers.”