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Tories announce cap on Tooth Fairy tax

Boris Johnson Unicorn Folder

Speaking at the launch of the Conservative party’s election manifesto, the prime minister said that under the last Labour government the cost of perpetuating the myth of the Tooth Fairy had risen by at least 4000%.

Announcing a cap on what he described as a “Tooth Fairy tax” Mr Johnson said that he wanted to help the millions of cash strapped parents struggling to make ends meet on Universal Credit by taking more money from their children.

“Too many parents in this country are struggling under austerity and can no longer afford to fund socialist myths like the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny,” he said. 

“In some families, both parents are working two jobs just to put food on the table, Jeremy Corbyn and his communist cabal want to see their children paid to do nothing more than carelessly losing a tooth and going to bed. 

“That is why I pledge to put a cap on this fraudulent fallacy, this decadent dentistry, this Tooth Fairy tax, and put the money back in the pockets of hard-working parents.”

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Under the plan, the Conservatives will fix the rate of moolah per molar at the 2016 national average of £2 per tooth with any future increases index-linked to inflation. 

The Labour Party have been quick to hit back at the Tories saying that the policy is designed to benefit the rich and will do little to help the average two-child family. 

“You just have to look at the Tory front bench to see who this policy will benefit most,” Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, John McDonnell, told the BBC. 

Jacob Rees-Mogg has six children with an average of 20 teeth per child, and Boris Johnson could personally save £2500 under this scheme.”

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