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Cyber-attack on Labour Party digital platforms confirmed as herbal tea spill

ZX Spectrum 48k
Photo credit: Bill Bertram | Wikimedia

An unstable cup of peppermint tea has been accused of a “sophisticated and large-scale cyber-attack” on the Labour Party’s IT infrastructure. 

The hot beverage, which is thought to have been purchased from Pret a Manger, was observed loitering on the corner of Jeremy Corbyn’s desk early this morning.

Shortly after 9:34am, the brew launched its attack, spilling its lukewarm contents near the Labour leader’s prized ZX Spectrum 48K.

Cyber-security experts are said to have acted swiftly and robustly to thwart the attack, deploying several absorbent copies of Socialist Worker and the Morning Star to form an “impenetrable firewall” around the antique microcomputer.

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A Labour spokeswoman said the attack had failed and the party was confident that no data breach had occurred. 

“I can confirm that there has been a sophisticated, large-scale, and slightly minty cyber-attack on the Labour Party’s core IT Infrastructure,” she told reporters. 

“Our security procedures slowed down some general election campaign activities and interrupted a game of Manic Miner, but Jeremy’s desk has had a good wipe down, he has a fresh cup of tea, and the campaign is now back up to full speed.

Jeremy regularly backs up all his important files using the latest Microdrive storage technology, so we are confident that absolutely no one will ever be able to access them.”

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