The Post Truth Post

Firefighters advise voters to extinguish Jacob Rees-Mogg’s career

Jacob Rees-Mogg

Firefighters have taken time out from heroically saving people from burning buildings to protect the public from over-privileged cockwombles. 

The news comes as Jacob Rees-Mogg faces calls for his resignation for saying it would have been “common sense” for Grenfell Tower residents to ignore London Fire Brigade advice and flee the fire that killed 72 people.

Mr Rees-Mogg gained his fire fighting expertise at prep-school when an older boy wedged a buttered crumpet between his buttocks and forced him to toast it on the dormitory fire.

Replying to the MP for North Somerset’s comments, Brigade Manager Marcus Towpath said it would also be common sense not to vote for Mr Rees-Mogg in the forthcoming general election. 

SUBMIT YOUR ORIGINAL SPOOF NEWS
ARTICLE TO THE POST TRUTH POST

“In the event of further inflammatory comments from Tory MPs my advice to the public is to gather your family and calmly proceed to your nearest polling station,” he said.

“For your safety, we recommend members of the public then enter the polling station in an orderly manner and vote to extinguish the destructive force of this Conservative government. 

“Mr Rees-Mogg may advise you to stay put on December the 12th, but anyone with common sense should ignore the ridiculous Victorian reenactment.” 

Mr Towpath warned that, ahead of the general election, members of the public should stay vigilant for early signs of a Conservative government like a bonfire of benefits or the telltale smoke from a pair of pants on fire.

NEXT ARTICLE

About Us