The British public has responded to news of a Christmas general election with weary despair.
As parliament wave through Boris Johnson’s motion to hold a general election at some point in December or some other month, voters say they now overwhelmingly back not bothering with a government at all.
“Sure we could have another general election or a second referendum or a big political bake off or something, but none of that will address the real issue,” Joe Public told us.
“Fundamentally, whichever party we vote for it is the lack of talent resting its fat arse on the hallowed green benches that’s wrecking the country.
“So what’s the point in another election? Just let them decide who they want in charge and they can tell us when they’re done. It won’t make a difference to anything anyway.”
Seizing on what he described as the “new will of the people”, Boris Johnson immediately proposed that MPs should vote for a Conservative government.
Jeremy Corbyn countered the motion saying that he now had a clear mandate to lead the country. The Labour leader told supporters that self-selecting leadership was the cornerstone of many successful communist states.
Liberal Democrat leader, Jo Swinson, suggested holding a referendum to determine whether the public really want a Conservative or Labour government and the SNP’s Ian Blackford was still talking at the time we went to press.
“So there you go,” Joe said, shaking his head, “even with the freedom to do whatever they like they can’t agree on what to do. Happy fucking Christmas.”