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Johnson blames talks collapse on everything but the boogie

Boris Johnson Unicorn Folder

Donald Tusk has accused Boris Johnson of engaging in a “stupid blame game” as the PM says he is “full of funky fever” for crashing out of the EU without a deal.

In an unofficial briefing, published by The Spectator on Tuesday, Number 10 claimed the “EU was always dancin’.” 

The memo, widely thought to have been drafted by Dominic Cummings, goes on to say, “and that wouldn’t be a bad thing, but the UK don’t get no lovin’, and that’s no lie.”

As tensions escalated, Johnson, who had spent the night in Frisco visiting every kind of disco, told reporters that the EU could kiss our love goodbye. 

“We’ve worked tirelessly to secure a deal with the EU, but the sunshine, the moonlight, and of course the good times, have thwarted us at every turn,” the PM said while visibly struggling to control his feet. 

The outgoing European Commission President, Donald Tusk, was quick to defend the EU’s position, Tweeting: 

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“.@BorisJohnson - Don’t blame it on the sunshine. Don’t Blame it on the moonlight. Don’t blame it on the good times. Blame it on the boogie. Ain’t nobody’s fault but yours and that boogie.” 

Johnson later conceded the nasty boogie bugs him, and somehow it had drugged him but maintained that a no-deal Brexit was best for Britain.

Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage, who pulled out of Strictly Come Dancing earlier this year, seemed to support the prime minister’s position. 

Farage told listeners of his popular radio phone-in show that the spellbound rhythm of parliamentary sovereignty is what gets him on his feet. 

“This magic music grooves me, that dirty rhythm moves me, and the devil’s gotten to me through this dance,” the 55-year-old told a bemused caller from Rochdale. 

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