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Rory Stewart to roam the country and fight injustice

Rory Stewart
Photo credit: Chris McAndrew | WikiMedia

Conservative MP Rory Stewart will stand down at the next general election to roam the highways and byways of Britain, seeking adventure and fighting injustice.

Mr Stewart says he considered standing as an Independent in his Penrith and The Border constituency but feels he can do more good using his spiritual and martial arts skills to fight injustice where he finds it.

The former Tory leadership candidate had the whip withdrawn after failing to believe in the sunlit uplands of Nodealtopia and voting against a government motion to supply every household with a tax-free unicorn.

Stewart was trained as a Shaolin monk by his beloved mentor, Master Po, and came to the UK when Po was murdered by the Emperor’s nephew, the evil Jacob Rees-Mao.

Joining the Conservative Party to disguise his true identity, Stewart’s training and sense of social responsibility set him apart as an honourable man in the lawless Wild Westminster.  

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George Fishlove of the Penrith and The Border Conservative Association wished Mr Stewart luck but said he always suspected that Rory wasn’t a real Tory.

“He just wasn’t a bastard, if you’ll pardon my French,” he said.

“I remember the time we started a petition to have a local food bank demolished and turned into a block of flats for far eastern investment. Rory was against it, I mean, I should have smelt a rat then.

“I’ll wish him luck, but if he comes back here all barefoot and zen-like, banging on about love in politics, I’ll set the hounds on him.”  

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