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Jeremy Corbyn starts digging a ditch

Jeremy Corbyn
Photo credit: stopwar.org.uk | Flickr

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn says he intends to spend the weekend on his allotment digging a large ditch.

The news comes after Boris Johnson told a Scottish court that he would comply with the Benn Act, also popularly known as the Surrender Act on the Tory benches, and ask the EU for an extension to Brexit if he cannot get a deal. 

“The prime minister clearly stated that he would rather be dead in a ditch than ask the EU for another extension,” a sweaty Mr Corbyn told reporters while resting on his spade. 

“I have spent my political life opposing the Tory party, but in this time of national crisis, the country must pull together.

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“So I will not hinder the prime minister in achieving his goal, in fact, the Labour Party are proud to provide a ditch for the prime minister to call his final resting place.

Mr Corbyn told reporters that once the prime minister has had sufficient time to mulch down, his carcass will be used to fertilise a crop of tomatoes and beans that will be distributed to local food banks.

“Given the bullshit Mr Johnson is so clearly full of, I expect to get a bumper crop next spring,” Corbyn chuckled. 

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