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Larry in hiding as Number 10 runs out of dead cats

Larry The Cat

Downing Street’s Chief Mouser fears that Boris Johnson is running out of metaphorical dead cats to throw on the Brexit negotiating table and could soon up the ante to the real thing.

In a brief note left on his litter tray, Larry explained that with all the dead cats being hurled out of Number 10 he fears for his life and will not return to work until Brexit is done.

Chief Mouser to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Palmerston, explained Larry’s fears. 

“Deadcatting is a disgusting diversionary strategy where a shocking, or sensationalist topic is introduced to divert attention away from a more damaging topic that the Prime Minister doesn’t want to talk about.

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“It gets its name from the hypothesis that if the PM chucked a dead cat onto the Brexit negotiating table, journalists would focus on the deceased feline, rather than the obvious reality that there is no plan for a Brexit deal.”

Palmerston thinks that although the Prime Minister is known to have the morals of an alley cat, even Mr Johnson will struggle to wheel out a fresh ex-lover with a historic claim of groping or financial misconduct every day until November 1st.

“As more people realise that the government has no intention of agreeing a deal with the EU, Bojo is going to have to up the ante if he wants to keep the mainstream media off his back,” Palmerston purred. 

“I think the threat to Larry is genuine. I would not be surprised if Boris tries to frame Gove as the Croydon cat killer when the litter tray really hits the fan over all this Brexit nonsense.”

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