The prime minister has informed parliament that he will not be able to produce the government’s no-deal Brexit contingency plan, known as Operation Yellowhammer, because Dilyn, his dog, ate the report.
Parliament voted to compel the government to reveal the classified details of Operation Yellowhammer on Monday, after the PM repeatedly rejected calls from both the opposition and his own MPs to “show his workings”.
Mr Johnson assured parliament that he had definitely asked Michael Gove to prepare a full and detailed study on the impact of the UK leaving the EU but that his new dog, Dilyn, had eaten it so they’d have to take his word for it that everything would be peachy.
“Look, Michael’s already assured you that we have more than enough paddles to traverse whatever foul rapids should face us on our voyage to Nodealtopia, and that should be enough to put your minds at ease,” Mr Johnson smirked.
“I left the report in the kitchen this morning, as I had every intention to bring it to parliament and show you all how good it is, but little Dilyn scoffed the whole thing while I was doing my hair.”
Political commentators had assumed Johnson’s adoption of a cute dog was one of Dominic Cummings’ cunning plans to manipulate the media and distract attention away from the prorogation of parliament.
However, this latest development appears to indicate that Dilyn’s role is only to give his master an excuse for not handing in his homework.