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Blues endure worst start to a parliamentary season in history

Newly promoted captain of the Conservative Cabinet Boris Johnson has endured a horrendous start to the new league campaign. 

Johnson, who is currently winless and pointless, has made history as the only Governmental captain to lose all opening encounters against the opposition parties.

Boris' playing record makes for grim reading, with three games gone, he already finds himself playing catch up as his team falls behind the early pacesetters.

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Much was expected from Johnson after his grand self-promotion, but the bluster of his pre-season expectations have given way to a very different reality.

Political commentators suggest that he has been going on the attack a little too gung-ho and has left himself wide open at the back benches, leading to him conceding MPs left, right and centre.

Bookmakers have already slashed odds on Johnson being the first casualty of the new season as the Tories sink to the bottom of the league, and he’ll require a huge improvement this week if his team is to avoid permanent relegation and the dreaded vote of no-confidence.

In a further blow, Johnson could be without star right-winger, Jacob Rees-Mogg, after the MP for North Somerset unexpectedly collapsed mid-session. 

Referee John Bercow didn't caution Rees-Mogg for simulation, even though replays appeared to show that his fall was unnecessary. 

Doctors will assess Rees-Mogg during the break and may suggest a course of vaccinations to cope with a case of  small-minded pox.

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