The Post Truth Post

Jacob Rees-Mogg challenges Dr David Nicholl to a duel

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The Leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has challenged a doctor who expressed concerns over government medical plans for a no-deal Brexit to a fight to the death.

Dr Nicholl, a consultant neurologist, criticised government plans to stockpile drugs ahead of a possible no-deal Brexit during an LBC wireless phone-in with Mr Rees-Mogg on Monday.

Speaking in the Commons, the MP for North Somerset said that the government could not allow experts to ruin a perfectly good reckless act of wilful self-harm with facts.

“Mr Speaker, the good Doctor and I disagree on this point regarding the availability of apothecary supplies once we have shrugged off the oppressive yoke of Johnny Foreigner,” the historical reenactment proclaimed.

“I can assure the House that Mr Gove has secured ample supplies of Laudanum, Antimony pills and most importantly leeches, in readiness for Britannia’s peregrination to the sunlit uplands of Nodealtopia.

“As the prime minister has noted on several occasions, Mr Speaker, we have no time for naysayers, cataclysm purveyors or dystopian dealers under his regime.

“And so I am left with no choice but to challenge this agent of Project Fear to a duel on college green at dawn tomorrow.” 

Mr Rees-Mogg later withdrew the challenge when Dr Nicholl arrived at College Green expertly brandishing a well used épée and politely asked if “Moggy” would like to come and say that to his face. 


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