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Anna Soubry books a table for twenty-six at Nando’s

Anan Soubry books table at Nando's
Photo credit: Depositphotos | Flickr

Change UK leader Anna Soubry has booked a table for twenty-six at a local Nando’s as Boris Johnson threatens to remove the whip from Tory rebels.

Twenty-one Conservative MPs voted to take back control of Parliament in defiance of a direct order from the unelected-bureaucrat Dominic Cummings.

With Prime Minister Boris Johnson under strict orders from Cummings to withdraw the whip and “crush the rebel scum”, Change UK are hoping to scoop up the defectors like a dollop of Peri-Peri houmous on a triangle of fresh warm pitta.

Change UK, officially The Independent Group of Change, currently occupy a small booth for five at their local Nando’s but staff say they’ve pushed several tables together ready for the influx of ex-Tories. 

“They used to book the big table we use for the kids birthday party’s when they first started coming in,” Gary Fishlove, manager of Nando’s Camberwell, told us.

“They even had balloons and party hats that first time back in February, not sure what they were celebrating though, the country’s proper fucked innit. 

“Gradually the bookings got smaller and smaller, some nights that Anna is just in here eating frozen yoghurt on her own until we close.” 

Among the Conservative traitors are several senior MPs including Ken Clarke who is well known around the Westminster village as a fan of reasonably priced spicy chicken.

Dominic Grieve added to the speculation when he was spotted leaving the Commons last night clutching a Nando’s card stamped with eight chilli points.

Experts say that if Grieve can rack up two more chilli points this week, the former attorney general may be able to celebrate the defeat of Johnson’s no-deal Brexit ambitions with a free single-combo meal or a whole chicken. 

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