Leaving the EU without a deal is going to be so easy that the government will only spend £100m of taxpayers money on an advertising campaign to explain the multitude of ways it could disrupt their daily lives.
The “Get Ready for Brexit” campaign launched on Sunday with the unveiling of a new government website and advertisements encouraging “shared responsibility” for the mess the Tories have made.
“As the prime minister has told you, leaving without a deal is going to be completely smooth, tickety-boo, and above all very very positive,” said Cabinet Office spokesman Eugene Southfield.
“In fact it will be so easy, members of the public will hardly notice any difference to their daily lives apart from a few minor things if they want to travel, work, eat food, employ EU citizens, take vital medicine, or import or export goods from the EU.
“That’s why we are only spending £100m of your money to tell you how to get ready for all of the things that Project Fear said you would need to get ready for three years ago.
“Above all, we want to make it clear to people that whatever happens we must all share responsibility and not, under any circumstances, blame Boris Johnson or the Conservative party when it goes tits up.”
The website prompts voters to upload a recent photo and answer a few simple questions about their daily lives and future aspirations for their family.
A specially commissioned government AI uses this data to generate a unique picture of what the voter would look like as a unicorn grazing the green grass of the sunlit uplands of Nodealtopia.
Mr Jackson said: “We are hoping that people won’t notice the food and medicine shortages if they’ve got a nice picture of themselves as a unicorn to share on social media.”