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VAR to rule on Johnson’s late strike

Angry Bloke

Boris Johnson’s late strike in the first match of the new Brexit season is being reviewed by the VAR team after a possible infringement in the box.

Johnson popped up in the eighty-ninth minute to nod Jacob Rees-Mogg’s right-wing cross into the back of the net, finally breaking the deadlock in this rather drab and often uninspiring game. 

With Johnson reeling away towards the crowd, his shirt over his head revealing a giant mass of blubber to the cameras, the referee, John Bercow, blew his whistle to signal that the VAR officials are looking into the legitimacy of the goal.

It is unknown whether Johnson strayed offside, fouled his opponent or simply moved the goal posts, but it is now up to highly qualified constitutional specialists, dressed head to toe in full refereeing kit, to determine whether Johnson’s winning goal will be allowed. 

Opposition captain, Jeremy Corbyn was furious at the goal and was straight in the face of Bercow demanding that it be overturned.

The controversial goal came after several late substitutions by the Brexiteer’s head coach, Dominic Cummings, who joined the team at the beginning of the season. 

A tired-looking Theresa May made way for Johnson up front and Rees-Mogg came off the backbench to join him, playing in his favoured position out on the right wing.

It is from here that Rees-Mogg nutmegged the self appointed Remoaners United captain, Corbyn, and chipped a deep cross beyond the entire back line to an unmarked Johnson at the far post.

Sneaking behind the right-wingback, Dominic Grieve who was caught ball watching, Johnson saw his opportunity and slipping the ball past the opposition goalkeeper.

The Queen, who was not expected to attend today’s match, showed no emotion but did appear to give her thumbs up to Johnson’s effort.

Even if the goal stands, question marks will be raised as to whether Johnson actually scored a late victory for the Brexiteers or simply popped up at the wrong end to score a massive own goal.

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