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Trump replaces Smith for third Ashes Test

Donald Trump with cricket bat

US President Donald Trump has been drafted into the Australian Cricket team for the 3rd Ashes test match at Headingley on Thursday, Cricket Australia has confirmed.

Trump will replace Australian batsman Steve Smith who is sidelined with a concussion after being hit on the side of the head by, England fast bowler, Jofra Archer. 

This will be the first time Trump has been successfully drafted following his release from active duty in Vietnam.

The President maintains he was fit for the Vietnam tour but was deselected after his mum wrote a note requesting he be excused on the grounds that he is rather shit at anything remotely athletic.

Trump was typically bullish about the appointment. “I love Austrians. My all time favourite leader was born in Austria,” he posted on Twitter. 

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“They have a great country, right next to Germany. I would love to build a gold hotel there.” 

England captain, Joe Root, confirmed that paceman Archer will be warmed up and ready when the US President steps out to face him.

“I have a plan of attack for Trump,” Root confirmed. “We will ask Jofra to target the neck and head area.”

“It’ll be a difficult ball as all that hairspray is going to make his head rock hard, but I’m hoping that Jofra will knock some sense into Trump or knock him out.

“Either way, it is finally a win, a win for English cricket and a victory for people everywhere.”

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