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Grouse hunting definitely the most important thing to have an opinion on, says Labour

A Labour Voting Grouse

The Labour Party has called for an urgent review of grouse shooting, saying it is the most important issue facing the United Kingdom today. 

With the four-month grouse shooting season beginning on Monday, and the UK set to crash out of the European Union with no-deal in under three-months, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a tough stance to protect the delicious game birds.

Labour says there are viable alternatives to grouse hunting, like simulated shooting, but have yet to form an opinion on Brexit preferring to allow the Tories to unload both barrels into the nation’s unprotected feet, metaphorically speaking. 

“For too long the Conservative Party have bent the knee to landowners, and it’s the grouse of this country that pay the price with their lives,” the Labour leader told a flock of sparrows on his allotment.

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“We must rise up, take to the skies brothers and sisters, free our feathered comrades from the oppression of the ruling classes who value the life of a grouse only slightly more than that of a single-mum in a food bank.

“Under Labour, the government would provide homes and jobs for every grouse, pheasant and partridge in this country, and make the ruling elites eat unflavoured tofu.”

A spokesbird for the grouse community told us: “Gun crime on the moors is certainly a problem, but we’re Scottish and we’re voting for independence as soon as the mad bastards in Westminster have Brexited, so the old fool would be better off worrying about his own country.” 

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