A top UK Brexit negotiator has reassured the nation that he’ll get a really great deal before October 31st because negotiating with the European Union is almost precisely like playing poker.
Negotiator George Fishlove, who once lost his watch playing snap with his five-year-old nephew, has claimed his superior bluffing skills will force the EU to fold despite his hand consisting of two dog-eared and mismatched Top Trump cards.
“It’s like this you see, I’m telling the EU I’ve got a pair of aces, but really all I’ve got are these two Top Trumps that I swapped for a BMX in 1982, and that’s exactly how bluffing works.
“The EU doesn’t know what’s in my hand, so I’ll just keep telling them it’s a really good hand until they bottle it and give me tariff-free trade or whatever it is we want.”
When it was suggested that poker generally requires players to play their hand at some point and that a pair of old Top Trumps would be beaten by every other possible hand, Mr Fishlove remained confident his hand would still win.
“Look at this card,” he exclaimed, “it’s for England, and it scores 10 out of 10 for exceptionalism, nothing beats that, and this one’s got a picture of a Spitfire on it, they’ll definitely fold when they see that one.”
Asked whether he realised that poker was, at best, a bad analogy for the negotiations and not the basis of them, Mr Fishlove shoved all his chips into the centre of the table and shouted “Go Fish!”