As whack jobs who correlate massive gun ownership with massive numbers of people being shot and killed on a near-daily basis call for increased gun controls, US gun nuts have called for a day of national reloading.
“America is hurting today, hurting like the shoulder of a pre-teen who’s just squeezed off her first clip of AK47 rounds,” a spokesman told reporters while petting the barrel of an AR-15 assault rifle like a big metallic kitten.
“Once again, we send our thoughts and prayers to the families of the collateral damage, I mean victims of the shooter and our obsessive defence of Second Amendment rights.
“And just like last time and the time before that, I’ll remind you all that guns don’t kill people, terrorists kill people, and only very very occasionally do crazy white people kill people.
“But only the crazy white people who’ve spent too much time in a dark room playing video games rather than doing healthy normal things like shooting squirrels with a Heckler & Koch HK416 in God’s great outdoors.
“America needs to pull together to overcome this sadness. So we call for a day of national reloading, a day when friends and neighbours come together and arm themselves to the teeth.
“A day when fathers and sons take turns to polish their barrels in tool sheds and garages across this great nation like their forefathers polished before them.
“Remember, it could be days, it could be hours, it could be minutes before the next mass shooting and Americans will only be able to stop that shooter with a full clip and a steady aim, not by taking my guns away.
“If you don’t own a gun, I beg you to go and buy one, maybe two or three, so you can be ready to stop that lone gunman at large in your school, church or shopping mall.
“God bless ammunition.”