Safely back in London after his whistle-stop tour of the provinces, Boris Johnson and his Brexit War Cabinet have announced a radical plan to fund their no-deal Brexit.
Despite the daily claims that Brexit, deal or no-deal, will be the best thing for the UK economy since the invention of the workhouse; the Treasury is busy stockpiling cash to bail out all the farmers, fishermen and other currently employed people set to benefit from it.
Today the government announced that another £2.1bn will also be spent on additional border forces and infrastructure in Kent to ensure the Westminster vampires don’t go short of blood when the ports close.
With the piggy bank already smashed to fund former Minister for Transport Chris Grayling’s no-deal planning and other disasters, the government plans to sell what it can before inevitably asking America for a payday loan.
“The PM has spent the first week of his premiership undertaking a full stocktake of the United Kingdom,” said Minister for Selling the Silverware George Fishlove.
“What he’s discovered, is that along with the NHS and a couple of thousand remaining council houses, there is still a lot we can sell to fund his no-deal spending spree.
“The ownership of Scotland by the English has always been contentious, and we’ve spent far too much money on the DUP to let Northern Ireland go just yet, so Wales is on the market.”
Listed on eBay as “used with some water damage” the government hopes to raise at least £14bn which could be a bargain for would-be buyers with the pound currently trading at 1971 prices.