Mermaids living off the coast of Japan say they are unimpressed by Kim Jong-un’s “tiny” rocket.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un lobbed his missile into the Sea of Japan on Tuesday evening as part of the third generation dictator’s ongoing attempt to woo Mermaids living in the area.
The pocket rocket, which locals described as “small and wholly unimpressive”, managed to stay up for 155 miles before a disappointing premature splashdown.
“Frankly we’re a bit sick of it,” says long time under the sea resident Ariel, “every few months he shoots his load into the sea, and we have to clean up the mess.
“We’ve all told him unless he seriously hits the gym we’re not interested. I mean have you seen the little chubster? He’s hardly Jason Momoa is he.”
The North Korean despot is said to have taken his latest rejection by the Mermaids surprisingly well, only ordering his troops to burn down two villages to lift his mood.
Mr Kim is not the only world leader seeking to impress the Japanese seabass-bottomed beauties.
Next month US President Donald Trump plans to send, aircraft carrier, the USS Pussy Wagon into the East Sea as part of joint exercises with Japan and South Korea.
“The USS Pussy Wagon is the biglyest. A lot of people say so, they really do.” Mr Trump told a rally of crazed supporters to chants of “reel her in”.
“When those Mermaids see me heave that bad boy into view, they will be like pussy, I mean putty, putty in my hands.”
In response, Ariel told us, “Sure it’s a big boat, but how fast can he swim with those tiny hands? Good luck catching this fish Mr President.”