The pound dipped to a 28-month low yesterday as doomsayers, gloom merchants and international currency traders all failed to believe in Britain with sufficient vim and vigour.
Currency markets opened this morning with the pound trading at 1971 levels after glass-half-empty traders bottled it over Boris Johnson’s no-deal Brexit rhetoric.
George Fishlove-Smyth of Smyth, Fishlove and George Investments plc responded to the renewed push for a no-deal Brexit by dumping the pound faster than his first wife on her 29th birthday.
“Fundamentally the invisible hand has reached out and is bitch-slapping the UK economy,” Mr Fishlove-Smyth told us, “but there are loads of other economy’s to invest in, so bring it on Boris I say.”
The Treasury has been quick to allay fears that the crash could see the UK enter a recession, reassuring the city that the slump is all part of Michael Gove’s no-deal Brexit planning.
“Following Brexit, we will of course, be casting off the shackles of the EU enforced decimal system,” a spokesman said.
“To smoothly reintroduce pounds shillings and pence, the value of sterling will need to be trading at the pre-decimal prices of 1971.
“I think we can all agree that the speed with which the Prime Minister has devalued the pound is indicative of his determination to deliver Brexit at any cost and be re-elected as quickly as possible.”