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Theresa May to spend the weekend hiding kippers around Number 10

Theresa May
Photo credit: Depositphotos

Outgoing prime minister Theresa May will spend her final weekend in Number 10 Downing Street hiding kippers throughout the building, say sources.

The Conservative leadership race concludes this weekend and recent kipper convert, Boris Johnson, is expected to romp to victory like a greedy toddler who’s spotted an unattended cake.  

Save for an act of God or a hundred and fifty thousand odd Tories coming to their senses, Mrs May will hand Johnson the keys to Number 10, Trident, and the country next Wednesday. 

Much to the delight of Larry the cat, sources say that May, who is a well-regarded prankster in Conservative circles, is planning a fishy welcome for her successor by stashing kippers under the furniture and behind the radiators. 

Pranking the incoming PM has a long tradition in Westminster. David Cameron had to call specialist cleaners to remove a pig’s head Gordon Brown allegedly stashed under the master bed.

While Tony Blair famously spent years searching for a non-existent cache of weapons of mass destruction.


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