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Grayling deploys Seaborne fleet to the Gulf

Costa Concordia
Photo credit: Flickr

Chris Grayling has deployed the Seaborne ferry fleet to protect British shipping interests in Iranian waters.

Tensions have increased between the UK and Iran since Royal Marines assisted authorities in Gibraltar to seize an Iranian tanker believed to be carrying fake tanning oil to Donald Trump in breach of EU sanctions.

Iranian attempts to retaliate have so far been thwarted by the Royal Navy who deployed a team of cadets to the deck of HMS Montrose to politely enquire if members of Iran’s elite Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps would like to come and have a go if they felt they were hard enough. The IRGC rapidly declined the invitation.

With the threat to British shipping in the Gulf at its highest since records began, Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, has had a cunning plan.

“The Department for Transport regularly provides security to UK ships,” Grayling said. 

“I pledge we will assist the Royal Navy by sending some new warships I’ve managed to purchase from my friends at Seaborne Freight.” 

“These ships may look like vintage cross channel ferries with a lick of grey paint, but I have been assured they have been fitted with the same ‘technical measures’ that we will use to control the Irish border after Brexit.

To the surprise of many, the Seaborne war ferries set sail from Southhampton this morning with the MP for Epson and Ewell personally commanding the fleet. 

However, Mr Grayling’s moment of triumph was short-lived. Due to navigational advice from Dominic Raab the ships spent and hour ‘protecting’ a tanker docked at the Fawley Refinery before running aground on the Isle of Wight.

Orange man with tiny hands arrested after scaling Buckingham Palace gates

Buckingham Palace Gates
Photo credit: Pexels

The American citizen was arrested after climbing over Buckingham Palace’s front gate last night, the Metropolitan Police Service has said. 

Police detained the 74-year-old on suspicion of trespass and describe him as “having daubed his face, body, and unusually small hands with an orange coloured paint or dye.”

The intruder was unarmed but officers at the scene report he may have been suffering from dementia and kept insisting that he’d been invited by Theresa May and he could have them all fired with one tweet to Boris Johnson

The Queen was in residence at the time of the incident and enjoying Panorama’s exposé of Anti-Semitism in the Labour Party, a palace spokeswoman confirmed.

The man was later released with a caution for trespass and tweeting without due care and attention.