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Orange man with tiny hands arrested after scaling Buckingham Palace gates

Buckingham Palace Gates
Photo credit: Pexels

The American citizen was arrested after climbing over Buckingham Palace’s front gate last night, the Metropolitan Police Service has said. 

Police detained the 74-year-old on suspicion of trespass and describe him as “having daubed his face, body, and unusually small hands with an orange coloured paint or dye.”

The intruder was unarmed but officers at the scene report he may have been suffering from dementia and kept insisting that he’d been invited by Theresa May and he could have them all fired with one tweet to Boris Johnson

The Queen was in residence at the time of the incident and enjoying Panorama’s exposé of Anti-Semitism in the Labour Party, a palace spokeswoman confirmed.

The man was later released with a caution for trespass and tweeting without due care and attention. 


Ivanka Trump appointed as UK ambassador to America

The UK government has moved swiftly to appoint Ivanka Trump as the new UK ambassador in Washington following the resignation of Sir Kim Darroch.

Darroch’s resignation was precipitated by the leak of secret diplomatic emails to The Mail on Sunday in which he painted an unflattering and yet insightful and wholly accurate picture of the Trump administration.

Theresa May said that Sir Kim’s departure was “a matter of deep regret” noting that she’d always felt rather spoilt by the lavish parties he’d hosted at the embassy whenever she was in town. 

“While it’s sad to lose another lifelong diplomat and civil servant of Sir Kim’s standing we must accept that Donald Trump is now in charge,” the PM told the Commons.

“I received a Tweet from our President this afternoon, and by his command, I have appointed Ivanka Trump as our new ambassador to the US of A.

“It is a role that I’m sure she will do well in and it will give her the grounding in UK politics that she’ll need before she takes over as prime minister on November first, God bless America.” 

Boris Johnson is still expected to lead the UK until Ms Trump has had time to redecorate Number 10 and have the iconic front door replaced with a twenty-four-carat gold replica.

When asked by reporters if he now felt that throwing Sir Kim under the bus had rather backfired, Johnson said “um, ah, yes, top totty, brrrrr, fine filly, Brexit, believe Jeremy, quod mini fucked”, but got nowhere close to answering the question.