Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt will face each other in the all-important swimwear round of the Conservative Party leadership race this weekend.
The contest is expected to draw a large audience of the party faithful and will take place in the Bournemouth Grande Hotel which features an ample Ballroom, unlike some of the swimwear.
Both men are in peak physical condition, following months of early morning photo-ops while pretending to be out jogging, so the audience is in for a real treat over the seven rounds of swimsuit modelling.
“It’s a chance for the two men to show us what they’re made of,” says Major Fishlove-Smyth, Conservative Party chair for Hastings.
“We all know that Johnny foreigner prefers a speedo, and I for one want to be sure that our future prime minister can carry himself on the world stage in a pair of budgie smugglers if he has to.
“Say what you like about Theresa May, but if she’d been negotiating in a thong, Brussels would be one of the home counties today.”
Boris Johnson, who remains the front-runner going into the contest following a memorable performance in the Judges’ Houses round, has been careful not to reveal too much during his campaign to date; a principle the Tory grandees in the front row are particularly keen to see him uphold this weekend.
“The worst thing that could happen now is Boris coming on stage with his ‘johnson’ dangling from the leg of his shorts again,” the Major said.
“My wife has been barely able to look at a pork chipolata since his infamous ‘white elephant’ impression at the 2015 party conference.”