The Post Truth Post

Glastonbury bans cabinet ministers in bid to clamp down on illegal drug use

Music Festival
Photo credit: Wendy Wei from Pexels

Annual mud and music festival, Glastonbury, kicked off yesterday with a pledge to eradicate illegal drug abuse by banning Cabinet Ministers from the site for the duration of the four-day spectacular.

Founder and organiser of the festival, Michael Eavis said, "since Jeremy Corbyn headlined the Pyramid Stage a few years ago with his Jethro Tull tribute act, the festival has become a magnet for politicians keen to engage with the youth.

"But we want our guests to have a good time and be safe; if these Cabinet ministers think they're going to come here with their opium and cocaine, then they need to think again."

A police spokeswoman stressed that, unlike in Westminster, anyone caught with illegal substances at the festival would feel the full force of the law. 

"This is a music festival and though we recognise that some music, particularly some dance music, is only tolerable under the influence of drugs; possession or supply of these substances is illegal, and we are the police, so... y' know..." she explained. 

Despite the ban, both the remaining Tory leadership candidates are expected to be making low key appearances at Worthy Farm across the weekend.

Jeremy Hunt will join Drum and Bass legend, London Electricity, for a back to back DJ set as part of Sunday night's Hospitality Takeover on the new Samula stage.

Boris Johnson, billed as "The Ringmaster", will host a children's bus modelling workshop in the Kidzfield Big Top.

Rumours that Jeremy Corbyn will make a second appearance are unconfirmed. Labour sources say their leader had planned to make a statement about Brexit but got stuck while climbing over the fence. 

Lego to release Boris inspired model bus range

Lego Brexit Bus
Photo credit: M-Louis | Flickr

Following revelations by Tory leadership front runner, Boris Johnson, that his hobby is building model buses, Lego has announced a new range of models inspired by the prime ministerial hopeful. 

Asked, in an increasingly rare interview, if he had any hobbies, Mr Johnson looked confused before stumbling about a bit and eventually claiming that he makes “models of buses to relax”.

While pundits in the mainstream media have been left puzzled as to why Mr Johnson would claim that making models of buses is his hobby over the more obvious choices of being a politician or a journalist, The Post Truth Post can exclusively reveal that Johnson is in the final stages of a deal with Lego.

The Danish toy manufacturer will release a range of “Boris Bus” model kits later this year, and it appears the future PM has inadvertently let the cat out of the bag.

Spokesman Janis Fishlove told us, “We are always looking to collaborate with franchises that fit the Lego values of life-long childhood, fantasy, and wild imagination.

“Boris has an outstanding track record in all three areas, and over the years he has epitomised them all in bus form.”

The new Lego models will include The Olympic Bus which comes with a Boris mini-figure complete with messy hair and Union Jack, a Bendy Bus that won’t fit on the Lego streets and a Brexit bus which will allow children of all ages to write a wish on its side. 

However, Lego movie fans will be disappointed. A planned Lego Boris biopic has been shelved due to the cost of re-filming it each time Johnson changes his position on something.