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Tory leadership decided with game of Whiff-Whaff

Brexit Table Tennis

Boris Johnson will face Jeremy Hunt across the Whiff-Whaff table in the final sporting round of the Conservative leadership contest. 

The Tory leadership battle has entered its final stage with the serious candidate, along with Sajid Javid, Dominic Raab and Michael Gove, eliminated in the Judges' Houses round.

Under the arcane rules of the 1922 Committee the two remaining, or indeed Brexiting, candidates must now face each other “mano a mano”. 

Traditionally the final round of the selection process has been a fight to the death, but the rules have once again been amended in favour of Mr Johnson, who is not allowed near sharp objects on health and safety grounds. 

With pistols also ruled out over fears that both candidates could sustain serious foot injuries, further delaying the anointment of Theresa May's successor, the next prime minister will now be the first man to score 11 points at the Whiff-Whaff table. 

The game of Whiff-Whaff, or Table Tennis if you were born after 1892, features two grown men batting a lightweight ball back and forth until one drops it and a point is scored, much like Prime Minister's Questions.

Success in the game requires an expert application of spin, giving Mr Johnson a natural advantage, but backers of the "Big Rice" have pointed out that Mr Hunt has occasionally described his wife as Chinese, and that she may have been coaching him on his ball control.  

The match will not be televised as broadcasters agree the public has already seen enough coverage of sweaty old Etonians frantically paddling their balls in the hope of becoming the next prime minister.

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