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US embassy on lockdown after the President requests a British milkshake

Donald Trump
Photo credit: Depositphotos

Donald Trump's security detail are at DEFCON 1 this afternoon after their charge suggested he'd like to try a British milkshake before he leaves the UK.

Mr Trump, who remarkably navigated a full state banquet without tweeting about the lack of chlorine in his chicken or trying to buy Buckingham Palace, demanded that aides find him someone who could deliver a milkshake.

Sources close to the candyfloss-topped commander in chief say that Nigel Farage had warned the President to "look out for the milkshake" on his UK trip. 

Seemingly taking the Brexit Party leader’s advice as a recommendation, the leader of the free world was adamant that he wanted a milkshake “exactly like the one Nigel had”.

“Look Nigel runs this little island and if he says the milkshake’s good then I want a milkshake, so bring me someone with a goddamn milkshake,” Trump bellowed while shaking one tiny little fist.

Chefs at the US Embassy quickly produced a Michelin star quality strawberry favoured lactose beverage, but Mr Trump demanded that he wanted a “Brit one like Nigel’s been raving about”. 

Exasperated with his staff, the President retired to his private bathroom and expelled a tweet.

“Brits!!! This is your President, and I’m going to give Scotland to the first one of you that brings me a thick creamy milkshake.” 

Response to the Presidential request has been unprecedented with thousands of people arriving at the US embassy throughout the afternoon.

At first, embassy staff thought the vast crowd were just the Conservative leadership candidates arriving to suck up to the President until a Marine guard noticed that they were all brandishing milkshakes.


Royal pussies prepare for Trump visit

The Queen and Prince Philip

A team of specially trained cats have been deployed to Buckingham Palace as it prepares to host Donald and Melania Trump.

The Trumps arrive in the UK today for a three-day state visit during which they will attend a state banquet hosted by the Queen at her official London residence.

Cats are rare visitors to the royal palaces as the Queen has been allergic to them from a young age but have been granted exclusive access to ensure Melania Trump does not encounter any mice during her visit.

The Office of the First Lady requested the expertise of the feline secret service after the President’s third wife developed an extreme phobia of “funny furry creatures with tiny hands that shit everywhere” - like mice.

The Queen and Royal Family are expected to bear the brunt of the Presidential visit with Prince Charles schedule to educate Trump on the facts of climate change and the virtues of a good stilton paired with a Duchy Original oaten biscuit on Tuesday.

Along with his royal engagements, the President has set aside several hours to help Theresa May pack but will not meet with Jeremy Corbyn as asparagus season is still keeping the Labour Leader busy on his allotment.

Before flying to Europe to attend commemorations of the 75th anniversary of D-Day Mr Trump is also expected to both join the Brexit Party and enter the Conservative leadership race, bringing the total number of Tory leadership candidates to 3678