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Gove ‘cautious’ over ban on hunting Tory leaders

Hunt Protester
Photo credit: Flickr

The tradition among Conservative MPs of hunting their leaders for sport will not be banned, says Michael Gove.

Responding to calls from critics to ban the inhumane treatment of Tory leaders by the party’s  backbenchers, frontbenchers, cabinet and party members, the Environment Secretary said it was a “delicate political balancing act.”

“On an emotional level and on a personal level, I find it difficult to understand,” Mr Gove said.

“But I also recognise that I’ve got to respect if there is expertise, which says that bringing down the leadership, done in a managed way can help the party overall then let’s just test that.” 

Under the rules of the 1922 Committee, a Conservative leader is fair game for hunting within forty-two hours of selection.

Conservative MPs maintain that bringing down the leader is a sport and that without regular culls the herd could be weakened.

Critics, however, describe it as a blood sport not dissimilar to setting a pack of dogs on an exhausted fox, which is also popular among the blue benches.

One trophy hunter said, “To bring down the leader of the Conservative party is an awesome thing to do, it is a stunningly, stunningly awesome thing to do, and you can read all about it in my column in the Telegraph.” 

Another told us, “I can still remember the day my uncle arrived home and proudly announced that after years of trying he had finally stuffed Margaret Thatcher. I was so proud I cried.”

While no moves will be made by the Conservatives to ban the archaic practice, some hunters have pointed out they do not always walk away with the prize.

Veteran big game hunter, Jacob Rees-Mogg says.

“These are powerful beasts, it takes patience and skill to bring one down, and some times the beast wins.

“Only last week we lost Gavin Williamson, he failed to notice which way the wind was blowing and before he knew it the leader had pounced and he was being mauled by the press.”  


Royal baby name: Public rooting for Baby McBabyface

Royal Baby Crying

The birth of the seventh in line to the throne, a week late and on an otherwise news-free bank holiday Monday, was a godsend for tabloid editors and spoof news sites bored to the back teeth with Brexit.

The Royal Palace announced that the Duchess of Sussex had a baby boy in the early hours of Monday morning and speculation is mounting as to what the little fella will be called. 

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are considered by many to be just like an average couple that have won the lottery a few times over, so could we see them eschew royal baby naming traditions for something more Wetherspoons. 

The forward-thinking royals may go with a standard James, Edward or Arthur but may decide to surprise everyone with Chris, Gary or Mozza.

Harry, like his father, is a big fan of Game of Thrones, leading some to speculate that we could soon have a Prince Grey Worm or a little Prince Tyrion, although most bookies have Joffrey at 1000:1.

World leaders have sent their congratulations to Harry and Meghan with Donald Trump tweeting:

“Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Narnia. Call him Donald. It’s the best name. A lot of people say so.” 

While speculation over the royal baby’s name is likely to fuel a couple more news cycles, one name is already a clear favourite with the public. 

A poll conducted by The Post Truth Post records that 82.3% of respondents are rooting for - His Royal Highness Prince Baby McBabyface the first.