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Polar bears could outnumber Conservative MPs by 2021 warn environmentalists

Tory Polar Bear
Photo credit: Pixels

Environmental protestors, who met with Michael Gove this week, have warned that conditions in Westminster could lead to the extinction of the Conservative party as early as 2021. 

The teenage representatives of the Extinction Rebellion group described the meeting with Environment Secretary Michael Gove as very disappointing and wholly frightening.

The group, which successfully staged a ten-day climate change protest in the time it took Theresa May to organise a trip to Wales, announced that following the meeting they feared for the survival of the Conservative party.

“We went to Westminster to tell the government about the plight of the polar bears, but after meeting Mr Gove we will be launching a new campaign to save the indigenous British Conservative politician.” said floppy fringed teenager Oliver Fishlove-Smyth.

“The public doesn’t seem to understand the precarious situation these magnificent old beasts are in, by 2021 the Tories could be extinct.”

Extinction Rebellion says The Brexit Party and UKIP are eroding the Conservative's natural habitat at an alarming rate and an increase in the number of immature males in the herd has lead them into a spiral of decline.

“If we don’t act now future generations may never see the glory of a great silver-back Tory PM devouring the opposition during Prime Minister’s Questions.

“Only a generation ago the likes of Thatcher and Heseltine freely roamed the corridors of power.

“Now the herd is so weak all that is left are MPs like Chris Grayling who can barely find their way out of a corridor.” 

It’s an arrow, not a house that’s fallen over confirms Brexit Party

Brexit Party House

The Brexit Party have clarified that their logo is an arrow, representing leaving Europe, and not a house that has fallen on its side, representing something built on shaky foundations. 

Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has been forced to take timeout from preparing to contest the European Parliamentary elections to clarify the symbolism of the new party’s logo.

Commentators in some quarters have noted that the Brexit Party’s logo has more than a passing resemblance to a child’s drawing of a house that has fallen on its side. 

Charles Fishlove-Smyth, Professor of Symbolism and Mixed Metaphors at Oxford University, says that it is clearly a house.

“There’s a small door that represents the restriction of free movement into the UK, it is predominately white, and it appears to have collapsed, presumably due to being built on weak foundations.” the professor says.

While the professor makes a good point, Brexit Party officials have been quick to defend their emblem.

“It’s an arrow, definitely a big white arrow, and it represents leaving the EU.” said Brexit Party press officer Sally Hargreaves-Wiltshire. 

“See it’s sharp on one end like Saint George’s dragon-slaying spear and it is round like his shield, and it’s pointing resolutely to the right.

“What it represents could not be clearer.”