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Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un compare shark pools

Vladimir Putin Kim Jong-un Shark Pool

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has accepted an invitation from Vladimir Putin to check out his new shark pool.

Mr Kim traveled to Russia last night to visit his good friend and fellow wannabe Bond villain Vladimir Putin.

The Russian President has just completed an extensive remodelling of his lair on Russky Island, near Vladivostok, and is thought to be keen to show off his new state-of-the-art shark pool.

Builders connected with the construction of the subterranean bunker say that Putin’s new pool can hold up to 24 great white sharks along with a standard piranha shoal.

Access to the pool is said to be directly available from several seats in the boardroom or by the use of a custom designed retractable bridge.

The trip is seen as an important step for the young Korean despot who, despite unanimous support at home, is only viewed as a minor threat to democracy and the western way of life by other leaders.

North Korean sources say that due to UN sanctions Mr Kim has not been able to build his own shark pool and is still using the child’s one his father, Kim Jong-il, built him for his eighth birthday. 

“Basically he is still threatening to feed dissenters to a paddling pool full of dogfish.” says North Korean affairs expert Rupert Fishlove-Smyth.

While in Russia, Mr Kim is also expected to ask the President if he can borrow some of his rockets and will discuss whether to give Donald Trump a second term in the White House. 


Huawei 5G row: Surprise after secret government Skype meeting is leaked

Bloke with some phones
Photo credit: Stock Unlimited

MPs are calling for a full investigation after secret discussions, about allowing Chinese telecoms firm Huawei to provide the UK with 5G infrastructure, were leaked. 

Despite security fears in some quarters, the government is believed to have approved the supply of 5G mobile telecoms infrastructure by Chinese firm Huawei. 

The decision is thought to have been taken during a secure Skype meeting between ministers and security experts that was held on Tuesday. 

Details of the meeting were subsequently leaked online and MPs are now calling for a “full and proper” investigation into the source of the leak.

One minister told our reporter “this is unbelievable, I can’t begin to understand how this has happened.”

“We all dialled in to the meeting using a secure line and followed proper protocol.

“I was in my constituency office so I used my new mobile, it’s really amazing the quality of call you get these days, it was just like being in the room.

“By the way have you seen the new Huawei P30 Pro? It’s got a Quad Camera and digitally enhanced aud—. 

“Ah. If you’ll excuse me I think I need to make a call. 

“Actually could I use your iPhone?”