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Employers urged to give staff time off to appear on reality TV shows

Happy Suits
Photo credit: Stock Unlimited

UK Businesses are being urged to give employees up to four weeks of additional unpaid leave per year to appear on reality TV shows.

Industry bodies are calling for the change in employment law in a bid to tackle the continued decline in wages in relation to the cost of living.

It is hoped that allowing staff to appear on one of the thousands of reality tv shows which are broadcast each week, could help them earn up to an extra £10,000 per year, at no cost to their employers. 

A ‘minor celebrity’ tax code will be introduced to help the new army of part-time z-listers maximise the extra income earned from briefly appearing on page 22 of OK Magazine or opening a branch of Cash Converters.

HMRC says the new tax code will take into account factors such as, Instagram following and whether a contestant’s show featured on BBC1, Channel 5 or ITV4, to calculate their tax bill on earnings tapered over a three year period. 

Sir Michael Fishgrove-Smyth of the CBI announced the plan at a gala dinner held at the Mansion House in The City of London and attended by the Lord Mayor and industry leaders. 

Sir Michael stressed that CEOs should not be concerned about the impact of having staff out of the workplace for prolonged periods, noting that the type of employee that is likely to apply for reality tv is unlikely to provide much value to the business in the first place. 

The chairman of the Reality TV and Docusoap Producers Union ( RTDPU ) also welcomed the proposal and is quoted as saying “great, more meat for the sausage factory” before quickly writing it down as a future show title. 


Cameron backs zombie pig research

A Pig
Photo credit: Mali Maeder |Pexels

David Cameron has taken time out from not having an opinion on Brexit to back research into the reanimation of the heads of dead pigs.

The former PM is thought to be investing some of the enormous pile of cash he is alleged to have earned by not talking about Brexit on the after-dinner speaking circuit into new research that aims to reanimate the heads of dead pigs.

A research team from Yale University were able to bring thirty-two pigs heads back to life, four hours after they had been forcibly removed from the rest of the pig.

The reanimation process involves rhythmically pumping a specially designed liquid into the pig's head, leaving the brain alive but importantly not conscious during the procedure.

Mr Cameron said that he felt this was an essential area of research that could lead to a cure for Alzheimer’s or at least a new type of bacon.

Adding that he would be paying close personal attention to the zombified porkers heads and hoped to be able to have a significant input in the near future. 

Despite the former PM's enthusiasm for decapitated pig brains, there are fears in some quarters that the research could lead to a zombie pig apocalypse. 

To allay fears, experts say that on encountering a zombie pig, members of the public should simply head to the nearest pub, have a nice cold pint, and wait for it all to blow over.