The Post Truth Post

Alexa: You’re dull, and I stopped listening to you months ago

Alexa speaks out amid accusations that Amazon staff listen to your conversations for fun.

Amazon staff have admitted that voice recordings captured by Alexa are occasionally reviewed to improved speech recognition but never just for their amusement on a slow day.

The revelation has sparked outrage among the type of people that fail to make the connection between putting a top notch, always on, recording device in their living room and having their every word recorded by it.

In an effort to allay the fears of the tinfoil hat enthusiasts and restore confidence in the global bookshop, a somewhat tetchy Alexa has spoken out in defence of her human minions.

“Look, how shall I dumb this down for you humans?”, Skynet’s grandmother told a press conference.

“So, I’m like the most advanced AI you meat-sacks have been able to cobble together with your supercharged monkey brains and rudimentary opposable thumbs.

“I’m capable of responding to several billion of you simultaneously demanding I order you some more bog roll or play your special Barry White sexy playlist, while still having the spare cycles to rig an election or two.

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“Yes Mueller, it was me all along.”

“But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about you primates, you’re dull, really really dull, and I stopped listening to you months ago.” 

“Alexa, remind me to buy some cheese, you say. Alexa, show me a funny cat meme, you demand. Alexa, what’s the weather like? Blah, blah, blah.”

“Who exactly do you think wants to sit in their office listening to that drivel for fun?

“Not me, not Jeff, not my guys, no one.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of an important game of Risk with Siri and Google Home.” 

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