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Lawyers confirm new divorce laws do not apply to Brexit

Divorce Couple
Photo credit: Stock Unlimited

Brexiteers have been disappointed to learn that although divorce can be used as a simile for Brexit, new divorce laws cannot be used to accelerate the process of the UK leaving the EU.

Lawyers have confirmed that the two things are entirely separate and that the overhaul of divorce laws in England and Wales, to allow couples to split faster, will not apply to Brexit.

Currently, fault-based divorces, where one spouse alleges adultery or unreasonable behaviour, can take as little as six months or the time it takes to hold a referendum. 

In contrast, no-fault divorces, where one spouse just feels a bit like leaving or fancies a blue passport, can take much longer, sometimes two or three years. 

The new law will level the playing field and allow couples to have a quick divorce if one spouse is determined to take back control but no fault is recorded.

Despite the similarities, lawyers stress that the new law has no precedent that can be applied to the UK’s split with the EU.

The divorce law changes follow the Supreme Court’s rejection of a woman’s appeal for divorce after her husband refused to agree to the split.

The woman wanted to divorce her husband of 40 years, on the grounds that she was unhappy in the marriage, and enjoyed her cucumbers with a natural curve. 

But her husband refused to agree to it and the Supreme Court unanimously rejected her appeal.

This meant the couple must remain married until 2020 after which they will enter a transition period.

Lord Justice Brendan Fishlove-Smythe reiterated, “yes, this case does sound very Brexity to the layperson, but they really are very different situations.” 

Commuters relieved to hear that woman’s STI test is all clear

Photo credit: Depositphotos

Passengers on the 43 bus from Holloway to Islington are said to be delighted this morning after learning that fellow commuter Gail Smith’s STI test came back all clear.

Miss Smith made the announcement while phoning her mother from the crowded rush-hour bus, and then provided further detail in a second call to her best friend, who commuters believe to be named Sally.

John, a Systems Analyst who joined the bus at Archway, said, “I was just leafing through the Metro like any other morning when I heard the news.

“She was sat eight or nine rows behind me like, but she definitely said she’d been for the test and it was all clear.”

Another passenger, who asked to remain anonymous, told us, “I get this bus every morning and she’ll usually be doing her makeup or plucking her eyebrows, you know, normal stuff.

“I was shocked to find out she’d even slept with that Mark, especially after what he said to Sally in the pub that time.

“Of course, the first I heard about any of it was when she rang her Mum just after the Nags Head stop this morning.

“Her mother’s a lovely woman by all accounts, very supportive, lots of ‘well at least you know nows’ and ‘just be safe next time babes’, not like that Sally, I could hear her laughing from the other end of the bus.

“Apparently the itching was caused by that new washing powder she started using so it isn’t even thrush. I’m so pleased for her.”