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Websites urged to remove videos depicting political suicide and national self-harm

Websites could soon be fined or blocked if they fail to tackle “online harms” such as Theresa May addressing the nation via Twitter. 

In the wake of the Prime Minister’s latest excruciating video appeal to the nation, the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) are proposing new legislation that will sanction websites promoting fake news, political suicide and national self-harm. 

In what overexcited Number 10 interns are describing as her first vlog, Theresa May ditched her lectern on Sunday and used Twitter to post an uncomfortable speech from a comfortable sofa.

Using smiles and several other emotional cues, that aids had told her were popular with humans, the PM once again reassured the public that they were right to be asking what the hell she’d been doing about Brexit for the last three years and more importantly that it really wasn’t her fault that the answer was bugger all. 

Shortly after the tweet on Sunday the DCMS announced the new legislation.


“The Government takes the online safety of UK citizens very seriously, this includes both members of the public and members of Parliament.” a spokesperson said.

“The Internet provides many advantages to all of us but we must act to stop the proliferation of fake news, political suicide and national self-harm regardless of who is posting it.

“Going forward we will be taking action against any website that allows our politicians to embarrass themselves or their country online.” 

The DCMS went on to address the legitimate concerns that the legislation could be used against up-and-coming satirical news websites, confirming: 

“These new measures definitely won’t be used to crush companies making the world a brighter place by poking a little fun at the political class, but the Daily Mail and Boris Johnson better watch their backs.”


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