The Post Truth Post

Is talking over the band now compulsory at all gigs?

Having a chat at the gig
Photo credit: Pixels

Having a shouty conversation about your mundane life is now apparently more interesting than listening to the band you’ve paid £30 to see. 

Middle-aged gig-goers have responded with disbelief that the current generation would prefer to have a good chat rather than pay any sort of attention the band on stage. 

Permanently being stood behind two ‘kids’ with an inch of foam rubber stuffed in each ear, while they loudly discuss the rising cost of avocado lattes, has ruined live music for forty-somethings in Converse everywhere.

It is widely accepted that music stopped being important after Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine split up for the fifth or sixth time, but the trend of having a good chinwag while the band’s on stage is almost as inexplicable as trying to get a selfie from the mosh pit to anyone who still owns an original Pop Kid t-shirt. 

“In my day you only opened your mouth for three things; to sing along, declare you were heading to the bar, or to fail to chat up some girl”, said Mark Fishgrove, who was last able to climb into his twenty-six inch waist trousers and zip them closed in a decade when people would have understood that reference.

“What could possibly be more important than absorbing every last moment that Ned’s Atomic Dustbin grace us with their presence on stage? 

“Bring back National Service I say, or maybe just Shoegazing.” 

Corbyn and May trapped in meeting room after failing to agree on exit strategy

Palace of Westminster
Photo credit: Dominika Gregušová

Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn were discovered by janitorial staff this morning after spending the night trapped in a Westminster meeting room.

The prime minister and Labour leader met yesterday to discuss a cross-party approach to breaking the Brexit deadlock but are understood to have become trapped after failing to agree on a strategy for exiting the meeting room.

The hapless pair were discovered this morning by Commons janitor Jannah Kowalski and are said to be dehydrated but in good spirits.

“I was clearing up the rubbish in the meeting rooms like every morning and then I found Mrs May and Mr Corbyn.” Ms Kowalski told us.

“The door wasn’t locked but they both looked very surprised when I opened it and showed them the way out.”

Number 10 issued a statement clarifying the circumstances of what they are now spinning as an “all night meeting”.

“The prime minister and Mr Corbyn held constructive talks on Brexit and other matters late into the night.” a spokesman said. 

“Rumours that the prime minister was trapped or unable to escape from an unlocked room are unfounded.

“The prime minister had a clear plan for leaving the meeting but lacked the support she needed from the Labour leader to enact it.”