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Corbyn meeting invite was a late April Fools’ prank says Number 10

Corbyn May

A meeting between Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn to break the Brexit deadlock has been revealed by Number 10 as a misjudged and somewhat late April Fools' day gag. 

The hilarious prank was originally scheduled to be delivered on the traditional April 1st but was delayed due to the traditional divisions in the Conservative party.

Having failed to reach a consensus over the weekend, the prime minister hosted a seven-hour meeting with her cabinet on April 2nd to thrash out the details of the jape. 

The cabinet meeting has been described as tense and gruelling due to Mrs May’s lack of a sense of humour with some ministers allegedly asking for the comedian Boris Johnson to replace May.

Insiders say that Chris Grayling was against the Corbyn meeting altogether, instead favouring placing a tin of Tesco value beans on the Labour front bench ahead of PMQs.

Cabinet colleagues described Grayling’s plan as being "bloody brilliant" but May overruled them saying “it's my joke or no joke at all.” 

A straight-faced Mrs May delivered the invitation to Mr Corbyn in an awkward televised address on Tuesday evening, the Labour leader fell for the bait saying he would be “very happy” to meet with the PM.

Grand Wizard Rees-Mogg of the ERG was not impressed by the PMs practical joke or timing, telling reporters:

“I respect the prime minister and often laugh at her, but the public want April Fools' jokes on April Fools' day, not two days later, it seems like she’s just been kicking the can down the road on this one.”

In a final twist, Mr Corbyn appears to have had the last laugh as the PM’s office failed to cancel the meeting and parliamentary protocol now dictates that she will have to go through with it.


MPs to break Brexit deadlock with a game of musical chairs

Chair
Photo credit: Pixels

The House of Commons is preparing for a mass game of musical chairs in the latest attempt to reach a consensus on Brexit.

MPs voted on four more alternatives to the prime minister’s withdrawal deal yesterday, once again decisively deciding that Brexit still means Brexit but falling woefully short of deciding what to do about it.

With Theresa May mulling over a fourth ‘meaningful defeat’ of her Brexit deal, some MPs are calling for a game of musical chairs to break the impasse.

“The unique thing about Brexit, in constitutional terms at least, is that every man and his dog has a different opinion on what it means,” parliamentary expert Jonathan Fishlove says.

“Our parliamentary processes are designed to allow MPs to reach a consensus, which is somewhat dependent on more than one or two of them agreeing with each other.

“Under the circumstances, a round of musical chairs is probably the most democratic way to clear up this mess and reassert global respect for our parliament.”

Under the Musical Chairs Protocol, each MP will pick their vision for Brexit and enter the ‘Hall of Chairs’ where they will dance around in a circle to preselected music.

The Speaker of the House will stop the music, call order, and parliamentarians will scrabble to take a seat. When the Speaker restarts the music MPs will stand and resume dancing and one chair will be removed.

This process is repeated until there is one chair remaining and the seated MP gets to decide the fate of the country.

Number 10 is said to be relieved that an end to Brexit is in sight but has warned that it could take several months for parliament to debate which music should be used.