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Commons to spend the day colouring in

Beautiful Brexit Unicorn
Photo credit: Boris aged 54

Having ruled out making a decision like big boys and girls, MPs will spend the day colouring in and sticking dry pasta and glitter to craft paper.

MPs spent Wednesday playing at being grown up parliamentarians by holding a series of indicative votes on their imaginary Brexit outcomes for no purpose at all.

All eight fantasy Brexits were rejected, leaving the country a whole day closer to a no deal exit and parliament no closer to having a clue what they are going to do about it. 

With the options to delay making a decision about Brexit running desperately thin, the Speaker has taken the unprecedented move of calling for a Craft Day. 

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Craft Day has not been enacted in a sitting parliament since 1800, when William Pitt the Younger resolved a tricky Irish back stop impasse with an endearing macaroni self portrait, leading to the passing of the Acts of Union 1800.

Under the rules of Craft Day, each MP is allowed to produce one visual representation of their Brexit using crayons, tin-foil and items they can scavenge from the recycling bin or kitchen store cupboard. 

At 8pm each party will select the best picture and stick it to Theresa May’s fridge to cheer her up before they reject her Brexit deal for a third time on Friday afternoon.

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