The Post Truth Post

UK narrowly avoids leaving the EU on WWF terms

Brexit Panda
Photo credit: Cesar Aguilar | Pexels

A typo in the European Union Withdrawal Act could have seen the UK exit the EU with the same trading rights as a Giant Panda.

With less than ten working days until Brexit and no deal agreed by Parliament, it looks increasingly likely that the UK will crash out of the EU and fall back on WTO rules. 

However, a typo in the 2018 EU Withdrawal Act could have mandated that the UK’s future trade agreement with the EU was based on a very different set of rules. 

An eagle-eyed civil servant averted the disaster last night when she spotted that the EU Withdrawal Act stated the UK would revert to ‘WWF’ rules rather than ‘WTO’ rules and corrected the mistake.  

Under WWF rules UK residents would be placed on the endangered species list and managed in sustainable habitats. Oil and gas mining would be restricted and trade with the EU limited to dealing in charity shop goods.

Commenting on the near miss Nigel Farage said, “Well, you see, leave means leave. Whether it’s WTO, WWF or WTF it doesn’t matter as long as we leave on the 29th of March.

“If WWF terms mean this wonderful country becomes a nature reserve then I’m all for it, but I’d still want assurances that there will be controls to stop immigrants coming here and scaring the indigenous species.” 

Boris Johnson, never a man to miss an opportunity, has already added himself to the WWF’s endangered species list in the hope of being matched for a breeding programme. 

DUP arrive at Westminster in fleet of Bugatti Chirons

DUP Bugatti Chiron
Photo credit: Flickr

Motoring enthusiasts were left stunned this morning as DUP MPs arrived at the House of Commons in ten Bugatti Chirons.

The DUP MPs, whose votes will be crucial to the Prime Minister this week as she presents her Brexit deal for its third time lucky, each stepped out of an identical £2.5m supercar when they arrived at Westminster this morning.

Arlene Foster, who was wearing an exclusive Chanel dress paired with diamond encrusted court shoes and a classic Chinchilla Stroller, told reporters that her MPs were strongly considering voting for Theresa May’s deal this time around.

“We continue to have concerns about the Irish backstop but feel Theresa May has done almost enough to convince us to back her Brexit deal this time,” Foster said.

“When we entered the supply and demand, I’m sorry, ‘confidence and supply' agreement, we agreed to back the government on a case by case basis.

“I can confirm that over the weekend I have received several cases of 1996 Dom Pérignon Rose Gold and other assurances from the chancellor, and as such, may support the government this week."

Asked about the £25m worth of automotive excellence parked on Parliament Square the DUP leader responded: 

“Well, Brexit is fast moving and we wouldn’t want to be late for a vote now, would we.”