The Post Truth Post

Fourth, fifth and sixth meaningful votes already in the diary despite Bercow ruling

Theresa May
Photo credit: Depositphotos

The government is rumoured to have already scheduled fourth, fifth and sixth meaningful votes on the PM’s Brexit deal despite the Speaker of the House ruling against them holding a third.

The prime minister had hoped to complete her historic hat-trick of epic Commons defeats this week but her plan was thwarted when the Speaker, John Bercow, ruled that he would not allow it. 

Citing a convention that dates back to 1604 Mr Bercow ruled that the prime minister cannot continue to flog the same dead unicorn, by presenting her Brexit deal for a third meaningful vote, without “substantial changes” or an entirely different unicorn. 

Government sources are now saying they will try to get May’s deal through the Commons despite the Speaker’s decision and it has been revealed that several more, so-called,  meaningful votes are already scheduled. 

Junior backbencher James Fishlove-Smyth, who drew the short-straw and spent the day in the cold briefing the press on College Green, leaked the plan to reporters.

“You’ll, of course, remember the government was against holding a meaningful vote in the first place, but now we’ve held two we've really got into the swing of them. 

“The votes have been tremendous fun, not to mention a great boost for the BBC Parliament channel, so we’ve decided to keep having them every Tuesday night or at least until we win.” 

UK narrowly avoids leaving the EU on WWF terms

Brexit Panda
Photo credit: Cesar Aguilar | Pexels

A typo in the European Union Withdrawal Act could have seen the UK exit the EU with the same trading rights as a Giant Panda.

With less than ten working days until Brexit and no deal agreed by Parliament, it looks increasingly likely that the UK will crash out of the EU and fall back on WTO rules. 

However, a typo in the 2018 EU Withdrawal Act could have mandated that the UK’s future trade agreement with the EU was based on a very different set of rules. 

An eagle-eyed civil servant averted the disaster last night when she spotted that the EU Withdrawal Act stated the UK would revert to ‘WWF’ rules rather than ‘WTO’ rules and corrected the mistake.  

Under WWF rules UK residents would be placed on the endangered species list and managed in sustainable habitats. Oil and gas mining would be restricted and trade with the EU limited to dealing in charity shop goods.

Commenting on the near miss Nigel Farage said, “Well, you see, leave means leave. Whether it’s WTO, WWF or WTF it doesn’t matter as long as we leave on the 29th of March.

“If WWF terms mean this wonderful country becomes a nature reserve then I’m all for it, but I’d still want assurances that there will be controls to stop immigrants coming here and scaring the indigenous species.” 

Boris Johnson, never a man to miss an opportunity, has already added himself to the WWF’s endangered species list in the hope of being matched for a breeding programme.