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Theresa May throws a sickie on morning of Brexit vote

Woman taking sickie
Photo credit: Pexels

Theresa May has phoned in sick this morning further delaying the meaningful vote on her Brexit deal.

The PM, who surprised pretty much everyone yesterday by not delaying the latest vote on her Brexit deal, called The Speaker of the House of Commons this morning telling him she was feeling a “bit poorly” and wouldn’t be coming into work today. 

The Speaker, John Bercow, told reporters that Mrs May’s voice was “weak sounding, croaky and a bit pathetic” and that if she was a man he would have strongly suspected she had contracted man-flu.

The Prime Minister flew to Strasbourg late last night for talks with Jean-Claude Junker, President of the European Commission, leading some to speculate that her mystery illness may in fact be a hangover, while the Daily Mail is already claiming that she has been poisoned by shadowy Eurocrats determined to stop Brexit.

MPs on both sides of the house have wished the PM a speedy recovery, sending cards and gifts to Number 10 throughout the morning. 

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn sent May a thermos of homemade organic lentil soup and a second-hand boxset of Last Of The Summer Wine with the third disc missing. 

Tory backbencher Jacob Rees-Mogg narrowly escaped embarrassment when colleagues pointed out that the card circulating the ERG office read Happy Retirement rather than Get Well Soon.

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