Gardeners at 10 Downing Street are reporting that thanks to the mild winter and a constant supply of Brexit bullshit the PM’s magic money tree is now in full bloom.
Theresa May's magic money tree had been thought to be dead following an overzealous pruning by Arlene Foster but is reported to be showing fresh growth this spring.
Mrs May asked her closest neighbour, Mrs Foster, to pop round and water the mythical shrub while she was on a walking holiday in 2017, but the DUP leader was later found to have cut it back by £1bn.
Fearing the plant was dead, Downing Street gardeners are understood to have thrown the tree’s lifeless stump onto the Brexit bullshit pile behind the potting shed, where it has now apparently shown new growth.
Keen gardener and Dish and Dishonesty extra, James Brokenshire, announced the new growth promising extra spending worth 58p per person in areas that voted leave in the Brexit referendum.
The government came under immediate pressure from MPs about the small size of the magical-money-fruit and demanded considerably bigger bribes before they’d vote the PMs Brexit deal.
Labour MPs have been quick to point out that under a Labour government the magic money tree would be considerably bigger and bear more fruit, due to the years of gardening experience Jeremy Corbyn has amassed on his allotment.