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Germany could win on penalties if Brexit goes to extra time

Bloke Screaming
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EU officials are understood to be selecting a team of German negotiators as Brexit looks likely to go to extra time. 

Senior European Union officials have suggested replacing the UK's 21-month transition period with extra negotiating time with the UK remaining a full EU member state. 

The proposal would allow the UK and EU to develop plans for the future relationship, resolve the contentious Irish backstop, and reduce the chance of the UK crashing out with no deal.

On Sunday evening a delegation of German trade negotiators was seen warming up outside of the European Parliament, increasing speculation that Brussels is preparing for the final round of Brexit negotiations to be decided on penalties.

As either West Germany or Germany, the nation has won every negotiation that they have been involved in, which could mean some tense meetings ahead for, third substitute Brexit Secretary, Stephen Barclay.

Informed sources in the EU are suggesting extra time is almost inevitable unless Theresa May can substitute the full membership of the ERG between now and March 31st.

The ERG has traditionally fielded strong defensive players in Europe but has failed to adapt to the modern European game, raising questions about their continued selection for May’s side.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, considered by many as the ERG’s star player,  has solid form when lobbing them in from the right wing but is yet to be proven up front, while Chris Grayling has had a frankly embarrassing home season with a succession of own goals. 

Meanwhile rumours that May intended to make a further Brexit Secretary substitution ahead of a penalty shootout appear to be unfounded, with the Prime Minister’s office confirming this morning that it was a misunderstanding as she thought Barclay had a cramp.


uSwitch add political parties to their portfolio

Political Party Price Comparison

Price comparison website uSwitch has launched a new service to allow MPs to switch party with the click of a mouse.

To date, eleven MPs have traded in their old political party and made the switch to market disrupter, The Independent Group.

With more defections likely, in the run-up to Brexit, uSwitch has launched a new online service that will make the processes of ditching your manifesto pledges as easy as changing energy supplier.

Harold Fishbone from uSwitch explained that political allegiance has many parallels to the energy market, telling us.

“In many British households, the choice of energy supplier is passed down through the generations.

“If you’re locked into a 24-month price cap deal with British Gas the chances are your father was a British Gas man just like his father before him, assuming electricity existed that far back.”

uSwitch has helped many families break free from the high cost of staying with their traditional energy supplier and now wants to do the same for politicians equally unhappy with their current deal.

“Members of Parliament want the best deal for their constituents and our new service will help them find that deal,” said Mr Fishbone.

“Maybe the cost of staying in the EU is too high or perhaps you’re being charged for being too anti-Semitic? Either way, our website can find you a better deal.”

While no announcement has been made, Compare the Market Limited are believed to be following uSwitch’s lead with a typically humorous spinoff for left of centre MPs, rumoured to be called, CompareTheMarxist.com.